Time...

I felt that time is so not enough to me... Is it just me or is it everyone? Why can't there be 48 hours per day instead of 24? I need so much time... I need the minimum hours for all these following activities in order to make my life... Let me see exactly how much time I need...

12hrs to sleep


12hrs to work


1hr to accompany my dog


6hrs to play my PSP


3hrs to read my magazine


1hr to bathe


1hr to eat


4hrs to watch TV


10hrs to play MJ


1hr to read my book


1hr to write my blog


3hrs to update stuff online


1hr to learn my Japanese





Total of 56hrs!!! Wow!! This is so much time needed for me!! Though I admit most of the time is leisure time, but why can't a person has more leisure than work? Why is it always 12 hours of work and the rest are split into sleep and all other miscellaneous stuff? Especially leisure now becomes a part of the miscellaneous... Isn't that suppose to be a sub-group instead of going under a sub-group? I went to sleep at 2.30a.m. last night and this morning I was exhausted... All i did was went out for dinner and pool which is like 5 hours and reached home about 10 plus... Feed my dog and clear certain stuff, played with it and finally watched TV... All these I felt like I was doing them half-heartedly... While I was playing with my dog I was telling myself not to be stuck for too long else I would have less time to sleep... While I was watching TV, I was asking myself if I should continue with my 2 other episodes or should I leave it for tomorrow? (Though in the end I finished watching all of them...) In the end, I'm left with only 4 hours of sleep... That is truly not enough for me! That is like only 1 quarter of what I've expected everyday!!



Well, I kept telling myself that I should not sleep my life away... I heard we only have about 30,000 days in our life. 30,000 sounds so little as compared to monetary wise... I would have spent 30,000 in 3 years... Imagine that as our days in our life?! Now I've already spent about 10,000 days and that is like 1 third of my life and yet when I asked myself, have I truly achieved anything? Truthfully, I doubt... I doubt I achieved big things as compared to those who already have a family, those who have their career and who are high fliers, those who drive a car, those who has their own business... I have none... I should I compare with those who are better off? Why would someone compare with those of a lower grade? To become lower too? Of course we compare ourselves with those higher so that we work to get better! On the other hand, when we want to be more optimistic, we should compare ourselves with those worse off to know that, hey, we're not so bad after all! Man are just one kind of complicated animal.



So why all these about time? Cos ever since I came back working, I kept telling myself I'm gonna be a breakthrough... I'm not going to take anymore medical leaves nor am I gonna be late for work. Trying all these are difficult because they have already been part of me for so long! I lasted till today and it's the third day... I was like its only the third day?! I have 2 more days to go and next year, I have an entire year to go!! Why is life all about working? Humans are just born to work and die... That's all... Living simple isn't easy too... Cos there isn't much monetary means to get what you really want in life...



Take a look at the popular game -- The Sims. I felt like god is playing this game and we are the ones being manipulated by him... Everything which we did are so controlled... It's like we have no choice at all... As much as I want to be born rich and have all the things in the world without working, I am not able to do that cos I'm controlled by this person who is playing the game. It's like he's controlling me to write my blog now, eat, go toilet... If you play The Sims, you will know what I'm directing at... It's also like everything is destined by him. It's my destiny to have to work all my life and sign my cards to spend and buy the things which I like and start being a card slave again and again, it's like it's destined that my luck is not as good as Zann who can win lots on mah-jong alone...

I know life isn't perfect and smooth sailing... But why do I see it as though some people are better off? Or now could it be the doings of the past and reincarnation? Is it because I did not do good deeds or I did too many bad deeds in my past life that now I can't be better? If so, I can see myself in a same state or worse in my next life...