It's a sucky Friday!

Basically, it's just me in the end I guess. Not that people around me offended me or what so ever. I think it's a day when sometimes you get to think about things to the negative ends or you just feel like it's time that you let go abit and you just want to get into a super low or depressed mood. I wonder if others have this feeling as me? Or is it just me?

Nothing big or dramatic has happened. However, to me, I just have the sucky feeling. Sometimes I'm just too sensitive over stuff that people say or the way they behave. Though a very teensy weeny comment or gesture, it may bring my day down. Call me over-sensitive but it really wasn't a good feeling. Else this wouldn't affect my entire evening. Probably the lack of sleep as well? Whatever it is, I think I'm the main cause of my down mood.

Why? If I did not do this, I will not be that. If I did not do that, I will not be told to be this. If I did not do this, I will not feel sucky because I'm being told not to do that. If I did not do all these, maybe there will not be this distant kind of feeling. If I did not say this, I will not have made things worse. If I just keep to myself, I will not feel like I've done something that's not meant to be done. If I just mind my own business, I will probably feel less sucky. If I'm less sucky, I will not have twisted words or feelings and now things will not get complicated. Everything falls back to the "if I"... Definitely it's me.

Instead, I should have done this, so I will not do that. I should have done that, so I will not end up having the sucky feeling. I should have think the positive way so that I will not get the sucky feeling, hence I should be enjoying myself this evening. "I should have"...

It's always like that. It's always the point of no return. Like "Sliding Doors", things will happen differently when you chose to go different path. However, who can see the right path? It's always when you took the wrong path then you realised you should have taken the other. Those who chose the right path at the beginning are really born to be blessed. I think for me, it's like after taking the wrong path, I still want to choose and go that path after many times of lessons. You can say that. Yes, just continue. Orh Bi Good for me.

I think most likely my bio-alarm is gone. There's no wake up call. I also don't know when can I get it back. It's like gone for a long time. Tried to search for it, thought that I've found it, but it was always not the right one. I think it's the genes in me. Inbuilt. Habitual. I wonder...